room enough

i'm sitting here typing with one hand and scratching my arkansas chigger bites (honestly, it's the only thing that helps) with the other--quite a way to reminisce.

i just don't know if i have enough room in my heart for both arkansas and north carolina. it's surely a tight fit for now...and making me all emotional-like, which is like one of the worst ways i hate to be. i mean it's okay to be a little emotional here and there, but i mean i'm feeling really emotional; therefore not feeling like myself. i think arkansas is somehow to blame. nostalgia. it's like a metaphorical chigger bite--you got to let it come up and then you scratch the surface: brothers, mom, dad, good friends, starry skies, hot nights, blue ribbons, challenges, watershed, pirates, and just good ole plain hanging out.


then i came back to bad, confusing dreams in my north carolina bed. i dreamt that i stapled my eyelids shut. and when someone in my dream asked me why, i responded "it's supposed to look good." nonsense. but kind of scary. can you imagine having staples in your eyelids? i can. i think mostly i've been realizing that i'm not as fullfilled as i want to be here in north carolina, not that the dream had anything to do with the realization. that was totally unrelated. bad transitioning.

so now, i've been daydreaming (hopefully it will work better for me than that night-dreaming), which looks something like lying on a couch with a blanket pulled over me and staring out the windows at all the kudzu that's taken over the woods in my backyard, and feeling a little bit like those trees must feel: caught up. i guess they might feel overwhelmed or stuck. okay, any of those will do.

i also came back to a huge misunderstanding. one of our kitties, sandy, has actually turned out to be a girl!! and so now i'm wondering if the kitties realize they're brother and sister and shouldn't get it on. i'm assuming incest in cats could lead to something horrific, but i'm not totally sure of this. anyway, i guess if anyone has the right to be emotional, it's sandy. besides, i won 2 bucks in poker last night. who am i to complain about life?