no place like arkansas

for sure i am going to be in arkansas/oklahoma from the 21st-30th. 10 heartfelt days. let the coordinating begin! can't wait to see some of y'all.

Wobble Gobble

well, i fell down a flight of stairs the other day. i've never been so out of control. i'm okay. at least there were a lot of people around to watch and at least i'm not a turkey. then, I'd really be in for, especially today--this thanksgiving day.

so i know it's been awhile, so there's probably a lot i have to talk about; i'll spare details. here are the highlights:

--lots of hiking
--a long, uphill bikeride (up those switchbacks to saluda off of the green river cove, you know what I'm talking about meghan murphy...we drove up them when you were here. yikes!)
--my mom came to visit; we also did some hiking, went to the biltmore, ate lots of tasty food
--took the gre; scores were so-so, not fabulous by any means
--gotten into pilates; strengthening the powerhouse

well, i guess that's it. i thought there was more. i'm not as exciting as i thought. maybe next time. bye.

Crowding around Culture

Well, I think I swam my last laps for the season. The rain and cold are on their way in, although the leaves make up for it. They are just beginning to change, and with all the rain we've had it makes the change quite spectacular. And even though swimming is out, the weather has been very accomodating for biking, although the wind did blow one of my bike buddies over this past ride. Ooops. Not to worry though. She's okay.

I re-visited BEETLEJUICE this weekend. It's so good, especially if you watch it with someone who's never seen it before. Then I also saw DOGVILLE which left a less than light-hearted impression. Heavy stuff, but interesting about what it means to be weak/strong, power/powerless, good/bad, human vs. overcoming human nature. The movie is set up more like a play, so that takes some getting used to (like if I wanted to see a play, I'd go out and see one, you know), but I came around to enjoying the format.

The cultured weekend doesn't end there. A famous Native American Flute player graced us with his music at the farm this weekend. I felt like I was listening to the birds sing (hence, the title of his album: bird songs).

And then drum roll please... If I've missed seeing David Sedaris speak amongst the numerous opportunities I've had to secure tickets to hear him, my next best bet is: listening to his sister, Amy Sedaris, for free! She's very funny. She made this eye burrito thing. Very unusual, but I guess it goes along with the craft book she has coming out. She also did the Piggy impression. Raunchy! And only in Asheville, would one of the main questions in the audience be: Are you a vegetarian? Well, she's not, but she seems pretty decent, regardless, and I wouldn't be surprised if she starts giving David a run for his money. She draws quite the crowd!

Common Thinking

Our kitties are fixed! This doesn't mean that they act any better. It does mean that they will soon be outdoor kitties. I hate for this to be most exciting news, so:

Last weekend, I went to the Indigo Girls concert.

I've swam in the pond twice this week. I'm just daring for the leaves to drop and winter to burst.

I learned how to play yuker (euker?? sp?), a non-sensical, and non-sensible for that matter, card game.

I've intently looked at thousands of vocabulary words for the GRE, hoping that at least 50 of them sink in.

My period began yesterday. I couldn't resist. It was time.

I almost became a Unitarian Universalist yesterday, but decided it was too much of a commitment; so went to an international festival/art show instead.

Rethinking the whole graduate school idea, and just trying to decide how I want to spend my time. Common thinking I suppose.

Eavesdropping Continues.

Well, you know how I was saying I live in a town full of old people. Older, excuse me. Not only are they older, but a little eccentric too, like you have the gramps who looked like he was probably a mountain man back in the day, the trace being in his white bushy beard, but then he's driving some nice car with sweet rims--the kind I'd be jealous of if I had a thing for rims or knew anything about them.

Sometimes, I forget the eccentricities, and think just about the old part, which doesn't give me a lot of incentive to be outgoing, but today I was reminded how ridiculous I've been. I love older people. They have an infinite supply of good stories to tell and plenty of time to hang out. Me being one of the fewer young folks around here, if I'd be willing to give them the time of day, I could practically have all these stories to myself.

Like today I was in The Shelter from the Storm Coffee Shop, where I can be sure to hear a good dose of James Taylor (rumor is, who stayed at a healing farm himself at one point in his life) and Bob Dylan (do those two guys even like each other, I wonder) over the loudspeaker, while eavesdropping on good conversation, while the lady who works there, is always like "I know your name; What is it? Don't Tell Me; Oh I know you; Right?" (clear sign of Alzheimers) before giving up and letting me explain myself. And in order to include me in her coffee shop culture, she'll always try to induce me to enter one of her conversations.

Today it was that she had this friend who gave her this quote:

A man who works with his hands is a laborer.
A man who works with his hands and mind is a craftsman.
A man who works with his hands, mind and heart is an artist.

And she was in an argument with this ex English professor saying it was sexist and she needed to change it to make it more inclusive. So she wanted my advice about how, "They who work with their hands are laborers, etc" sounded? To which I nodded in agreement. Good thing I was there, right? She also had me hold down the shelter while she went down the street to the craft shop to buy a book on tulips that was on sale...I've really gained some trust.

And then this other grey-haired gal, who thought I was related to her German yoga teacher (I take that as a compliment) was kindly talking loud enough to allow me to eavesdrop on her conversation. She was asking to no one in particular, "What am I going to give up next?" Pause. "Love. Am I going to give up love. I've already given up wine. I don't have drinking anymore. Love is next." My life isn't so stormy as that statement, but it's interesting to see what storms these charming folks are seeking a shelter from. I think I'll stay in town more.

Although camping last weekend was fun. The weather here is PERFECT! It makes me sad to know it's not going to last. The chill in the air is soon to become winter. Phooey. Let the seasonal depression begin. Sour words to end on after such a peppy description of my day. Apologies.

PICTURES

HERE ARE SOME PICTURES FROM MY LABOR DAY BACKPACKING EXTRAVAGANZA (OKAY, SO I ONLY WENT FOR ONE NIGHT, BUT IT WAS MY FIRST TIME WITH ONE OF THOSE BIG PACKS AND ALL)...YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE FELLOW TRANSPLANTS, NICK AND MELISSA (THE TRIP WAS THEIR BIG AND BEAUTIFUL IDEA.)

The Little Ellen That Could

These are my thoughts of late: "I think I can, I think I can..." And even though I'm not totally convinced that I can or that I want to, I went ahead and paid my dues, officially scheduling myself to take the GRE on November 9th. I've had one really good day of studying, and that's as far as I've stretched. Regardless, of my puny actions, I'm thinking I can. So one of my ideas is that I conquer this irritating hooop of a test, apply to a few graduate schools (a social work program in Asheville, that will allow me to continue my work here for awhile longer, before finishing up the program in Chapel Hill), and throw myself to academia that seems a little more wolf-like than it used to. I tell you I've changed from the student I once was.

But I'm also thinking I can do some other things, but I don't want to divulge unless I settle more on one of my dreamy ideas. So I guess you'll have to stay tuned for the unfolding of my future, which I'm sure you're desperately intrigued by (I sure hope not! You've got your own future to worry about).

And what makes this all so strange, is that I'm happy and content in my current situation, having plenty of time to pursue hobbies, personal interests... I feel quite sane and fear that school might make me a little crazy. But I guess I don't have to make sense, so cheers to changing good things!

Lions, Tigers, and Rugby Men...OH MY!

I can't believe I didn't get more comments for Viper's House of Pain. I thought that post was a shoe in the hole for your surprised comments. Hard crowd.

Anyhoohhooo, we scrimmaged the men's team at rugby last night. It was quite frightening. I got close to having my nose broken, and they were supposedly being gentle and going easy on us. Yeah right. At least there was no blood; but they obviously had something to prove. Men! And the lessons they bring...

I'm also not only flanking, but learning to be an eight-man (or woman, rather), which is the steering wheel of the scrum, or so they tell me. I also get to be lifted up in the air in line-ups, which is like the closest thing I've been to a cheerleader since the thrid-grade, when I hooted for my bros' football teams. At least I don't have to wear a skirt this time. Rugby shorts are definitely preferable. Anything else, gets ripped, as I learned in last nights practice.

Viper's House of Pain

I know I've been posting a lot lately, and considering it's mostly type and no pictures, I'm betting it can get tedious.

But this is good, really good:

I went to see amateur wrestling at Viper's House of Pain last night. It was by far one of the most twilightly, where-am-I, out of place experiences that I've ever been to, and yet at some ways I felt totally at home. Okay, not so much at home, hearing little kids yell, "make him bleed," or wearing t-shirts that say "kick him in the face," but you know, people seemsed nice and accepting and glad that we were there, although I'm pretty sure we were probably the only non-regulars in this metal strip mall with a home-made looking arena, watching mostly grown men in costumes with names like "Chris the Crucifix" body slam each other, when they weren't hitting each other with metal chairs.

Just another cultural experience, no better or worse then the art show at the local gallery I attended today. There was this really neat piece called the "Pirate of Lost Youth," which seems somehow appropriate not being too far removed from this year's boat race. I saw a lot of faces in that painting.

Feeling sore

The librarians were very loud to begin with, and then they had the audacity to ask me to remove my legs from being draped over the chair, my toes slightly resting on the windowsill. My feet were mostly clean. If anyone should understand the importance of being comfortable while reading, I should think her a librarian. They obviously were finding comfort in their loud chit chat. Why should my resting feet be any worse of an insult to the interior of that booked sanctuary.

It probably didn't help that I was reading the Oxford American, my first attempt digesting it, since my resentful resignation as intern from its dysfunctional world of magazine publishing. And yet, something about me just couldn't resist returning to its pages, even if I was reading tongue in cheek, ready to be critical at every moment. Eventually I realized I shouldn't take out my frustrations on its contributors, who most likely are ignorant of the behind-the-scenes work of the magazine. If I really want to be stubborn, I can dislike its editors, but still appreciate the writing of the contributors. I'm not sure if that's growth.

So you can see why I was feeling volatile, when that nasty librarian criticized my literary position, and you can see why I rudely obliged her while rolling my eyes very heavily in her direction. I'm surprised that didn't give her grounds to kick me out of the place--this librarian being so sensitive to the slightest offense. Had I been reading in a park or some similar outdoor environment, I'm sure onlookers would have found beauty in my pose.

On a totally different topic, I returned to the brutal world of rugby last night. Perhaps that explains some of my lingering aggression in the library. I forgot how sore that sport leaves me, and not the good kind of sore. The kind of sore that makes you wonder if your organs haven't been playing musical chairs or if there perhaps might be a little internal bleeding. Well, it's not all that bad. I surprisingly have few bruises to show for it today; you just have to take my word on the soreness, as invisible looking, it might be.

Cheesy, but true...

My first post as a 25 year old. 25 sounds so much older than 24, but I guess not too much has changed otherwise.

My birthday actually started out slow, as I let the air out of one of my bicycle tires in attempt to fill it up more. Not having anyone to help me fix by ridiculous error, I didn't get to do the one thing I wanted to on my birthday: ride. My back up plan: visit the new library. The result: It turned out to be closed. I bought myself a pair of fancy bike shorts (yes, I'm really getting into this thing, so much so, that I'm going to look the part. It's a big step...) to make myself feel better. Then I had myself some tea and took a nap and went to work.

Luckily, I got many birthday wishes from friends and family (and carrot cake! and cheese cake!), which makes a girl feel special. Birthdays: an excuse for attention. And really, that's the best gift a person can ask for, is to feel to close and connected to the people you care about. Cheesy, but true. Thanks.

P.S. I did get some post birthday riding action.

P.S. I think Nick, Melissa and Caleb are going to get together sometime soon for the beach, or camping, or riding or a combination of the three. If anyone is in the area and would like to join us, you're sure welcome to.

P.S.S I'm going to rugby practice tonight for the new season!!! I can't fully commit to this sport, but I'm not giving up on it yet. Something intriguing about it, and also scary.

good gossip

so i eavesdropped on these middle-aged ladies while walking at the park today. a lot older than middle-aged actually; i was so surprised at what i heard:

he's such a womanizer...

...a parasite...

how old is she...

...are they thinking about marriage...

what do you want to bet the female host is pregnant? and at her age! but i had already lapped them before i got the rest of the story. it's nice to know that i can look forward to scandolous times and conversation, even when i'm older. if i haven't already mentioned this, i live in a town with a bunch of retired folks. the gossip is still good.

oh yeah, there are a couple jobs opening up at cooperriis (two lodge advising positions and the garden manager position). if anyone is interested or knows someone (cool) who might be interested (and attractive) in getting into these positions, then let me know, and i'll share more details.

have a nice one.

room enough

i'm sitting here typing with one hand and scratching my arkansas chigger bites (honestly, it's the only thing that helps) with the other--quite a way to reminisce.

i just don't know if i have enough room in my heart for both arkansas and north carolina. it's surely a tight fit for now...and making me all emotional-like, which is like one of the worst ways i hate to be. i mean it's okay to be a little emotional here and there, but i mean i'm feeling really emotional; therefore not feeling like myself. i think arkansas is somehow to blame. nostalgia. it's like a metaphorical chigger bite--you got to let it come up and then you scratch the surface: brothers, mom, dad, good friends, starry skies, hot nights, blue ribbons, challenges, watershed, pirates, and just good ole plain hanging out.


then i came back to bad, confusing dreams in my north carolina bed. i dreamt that i stapled my eyelids shut. and when someone in my dream asked me why, i responded "it's supposed to look good." nonsense. but kind of scary. can you imagine having staples in your eyelids? i can. i think mostly i've been realizing that i'm not as fullfilled as i want to be here in north carolina, not that the dream had anything to do with the realization. that was totally unrelated. bad transitioning.

so now, i've been daydreaming (hopefully it will work better for me than that night-dreaming), which looks something like lying on a couch with a blanket pulled over me and staring out the windows at all the kudzu that's taken over the woods in my backyard, and feeling a little bit like those trees must feel: caught up. i guess they might feel overwhelmed or stuck. okay, any of those will do.

i also came back to a huge misunderstanding. one of our kitties, sandy, has actually turned out to be a girl!! and so now i'm wondering if the kitties realize they're brother and sister and shouldn't get it on. i'm assuming incest in cats could lead to something horrific, but i'm not totally sure of this. anyway, i guess if anyone has the right to be emotional, it's sandy. besides, i won 2 bucks in poker last night. who am i to complain about life?

Fabulous 4th

So I went to the Fabulous Fourth in downtown Columbus last night. I thought I lived in a small neck of the woods. Never would I have imagined all the necks that came out to admire the firworks. I don't know where they all came from, but they were surely there. The finale ended just in time for the downpour. You can bet I got my neck out of there.

In other news, I have been cycling. On Sunday I went on a 40+ mile ride, and lived to regret it, or at least my knee has. It was quite a beautiful ride, even if I felt a little out of place, not fitting in with all the other bicyclists in their fancy, tight cheeked bike shorts.

And in more news, CooperRiis is hiring someone to work with me in the house--which means the apartment and job will be shared between us. Keep your fingers crossed that they hire someone good. Better yet, you should apply (assuming we're friends and I like you) and then I won't have to worry about getting someone grossly strange and unusual. Well, I guess strange and unusual could be okay, but you know what I mean...it just needs to be a good match.

Getting domesticated.

We have two new orange kitties: Sandy and Simon. Just absolutely precious. I've been squirting them with water lately to try to keep them from scratching and tearing up the furniture. It's a useful technique. Of course, I feel a little bit awkward spraying the things, but I guess they're domestic, so they might as well get domesticated, and they don't seem to hold a grudge. They also wrestle with each other a lot, which is pretty cute.

Other than that, it's been the same old, same old. I have a new bike that was built from scratch. I'm going to ride it for the first time tomorrow. The skinny wheels scare me a bit, but just looking at and admiring the bike doesn't burn many calories.

That's all.

is she? isn't she?

Well, now I just have to figure out how to make a boat small enough to fit in my luggage (my new small luggage that I got for a thrifty $4 and it's pink, just like this blog!). My pirate's costume is definitely small enough to fit, hehe.

So in other words, I've booked a ticket home, as I'm sure I'll be needing a vacation come boat race time. So if you're reading this blog and you're going to be in Arkansas around July 30th and you have nothing to do, then you should accompany to the 4th annual Perryville boat race (meghan, nicole, catherine, etc--this comment is directed at you).

And don't worry mom, I booked enough time so that I'll be able to spend a few days at home--in the Fort.

On a different note, I've spiffed up my apartment with some recently acquired and colorful antiques. I think my homemade hoola hoop is my prized decoration for now. And the world's tallest horse came to town the other day, but I didn't get to see it. The picture in the paper just wasn't the same as I'm sure being there would have been. And our house might be getting two short and stocky kittens that are so adorable. I've never raised kittens, but hopefully I'd figure it out!

ARGGHH.

Six boats entered the CooperRiis boat race, so I would call that a success, especially since none of them sank. Now, myself, being an experienced home-made boat racer, it's no surprise that our boat came in second--even if second to a sailboat. Can you believe a sailboat got first. But you know, simple wins the race. Our raft was just a piece of plywood on top of a tractor tire intertube, one person riding atop, and then we had three people swimming and pushing it. One of the boats tried the bike/paddlewheel thing, but it was too slow to gain any glory. A couple of nice pirate costumes. Good video footage. Now I'm just trying to decide if I should buy a plane ticket home to make it to the Perryville race in July. Two boat races in two months, would it be too much? ARGHH!

(P.S. Our boat was called hope floats--a little cheesy, but appropriate for a healing farm...)

(P.S.S. I went to like the world's hugest barbecue festival today! The cultural stuff that goes on in these parts, I'm tellin ya what.)

On the right track.

I can't believe no one has commented on the GRANOLA RECIPE. After all that begging, too.

Anyway, I decided to update my look, or my blog’s look; I pretty much look the same. I know that it's a little Victoria Secretish, but as I haven't been earning many comments, you don’t get much say.

The boat race is in two days, and of course our boat goes uncompleted. We have parts (3 tractor tire intertube and some wood and some string and some garbage bags); they have yet to come together. Like most things in life, you just never know when they'll get done, but sure hope they will.

I started listening to HOW TO LEARN GREEK CDs again. Of course I've only completed track 1, which I've completed like 5 times over the past 2 years, so I'm getting very good at saying Ohi (No!) and Signome (excuse me). Catalavente aglica (Do you understand English?)? But with the prior motto stated in the last paragraph, this too will get done, assuming I do the work.

By Gosh, it's the GRANOLA RECIPE

And now, the real thing you've all been waiting for: COOPERRIIS GRANOLA!

Ingredients and Quantities:

1 cup Toasted Coconut (spread on sheet pan, toast in 300 degree oven for 4 minutes)

7 1/2 cups Oats, Uncooked

2 cups Almonds

1/2 cup Wheat Germ

1/2 cup Sunflower Seed

1/2 cup Flax Seeds or Toasted Sesame Seed

1 teaspoon Cinnamon, ground

1/2 teaspoon Nutmeg, ground

1/2 cup + 2 1/2 Tblsp Canola Oil

1 cup Honey

1 Tblsp Vanilla

1/2 cup Dried Cranberries

1/2 cup Dried Raisins

1/2 cup Apricots, dried, diced

Directions:

1) Toast coconut and set aside.
2) Mix Oats through vanilla ingredients together.
3) Bake at 325 degrees for 25 minutes, mixing once or twice during baking.
4) Let cool.
5) Add dried cranberries, raising, apricots and toasted coconut.
6) Mix well.
7) Eat it up.

Well, besides finally getting that recipe out to you, I went to visit Trevor and Brooke in Tennesse. It was wonderful meeting Trevor's family and seeing his roots. No wonder he's such a nice kid. And it sounds like their new settlement in Batesville shall be very dynamic. Thanks to them, I got to go to a blue plum festival and see the WAYBACKS play. Although, I didn't see any blue plums.

The thing you've all been waiting for...

I know you've been waiting, and by you, I mean Megan, Rick, and Donna. Okay, so it's not the granola recipe. But a close second:

MANGO VINAIGRETTE DRESSING (4 servings)

1 Mango
1/2 cup Lemon Juice
3 tbsp. Olive Oil
1/8 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes (don't ask me)
salt and pepper to taste

So there ya go, folks, Megan most particular. And speaking of cooking, I made these really flat chocolate chip cookies the other day for my transitioning party. See if I ever use crushed flax with water instead of eggs. But at least they turned out to be vegan for those who cared, me not being one.

Stay tuned for the granola recipe. Y'all are going to love it.

Not running out of fun yet.

I smell like strawberries, and it aint cause I'm sweet. Rather, a few of us had a strawberry war, in which we pelted rotten and malformed strawberries at each other. I might as well have been playing paintball, because I have welts all over my body. Anyway, thank goodness for strawberry patches. They provide nourishment and fun. If any of you are looking to have a strawberry war, let me know, and I can post the rules and regulations for ultimate play. In all seriousness though, it was a good time. Reminded me of days of wrestling in the water buffalo pit.

Speaking of creating your own fun, I'm waiting on boat ideas. Tell me if you think this will work. Bambboo poles bundled together, and put on each side--pontoon style, with some kind of board on top? Simple, but do you think it will float?

The Livin is Easy.

Well, the complaints are few. Things are so smooth they could almost be called relaxing.

I start a new job next week. I'll be working with CooperRiis's graduate program, in which I'll be support staff for one of the local group homes. I'm leaving the farm. And hitting the city. It's a small city, and just a few minutes away, but a city nonetheless.

As far as the job goes, I'm pretty excited about trying something new and learning about another facet of recovery. It won't be too different from my current role, as I'll still be very much a "mom." Yet, the smaller setting will actually allow it to be more homelike and intimate than the farm sometimes is. I'll also get to occupy the beautiful apartment that is in the basement of the house, so having my own space on my off time is very appreciated. I'll be working with the graduates on developing life skills, cooking, cleaning, etc. Since I haven't cooked in ahwile, as the food is always healthily prepared for us here, I might have a bit of a learning curve. Brushing up on my skills will be good for me too.

The schedule should also allow me time to start studying for the GRE or to take some classes or pick up a new hobby.

Other than that, I've just been swimming, running and organizing a homemade boat race. My team hasn't begun building our boat yet. Any ideas?

No longer cranky.

Well, I must have been really cranky in that last post. Sorry about that folks.

I'm in a better mood now. Work is smooth. My time off is smooth. Went hiking. Swam. Bounced (on an itty bitty trampoline). Weight-trained. Read some. Listened to a Community Chorus. Babysat. Ate ice cream. Spring cleaned. Watched our footage of trading spaces. Did some pottery.

Oh yeah, I also posted interest in a new role with my organization. So we'll see how that goes. It looks like it will happen sometime in the next 6 weeks, so that could be a nice change.

That's all for now. Not too thrilling, but I'm out and about.

If you can't say anything nice, then...

Dear friends,

Well after an much needed visit in Arkansas, I'm back to work. Thanks to all those who hosted me.

Only a week into work and I feel like I never left. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. What is possibly a bad thing: my schedule just got changed, so I'm now working the less favored side of the week: Wednesdays-Saturdays. This means I'm off Sun-Tues, when everyone else will be working. So much for a life. Hopefully this switch is temporary as they tell me it is, but you never know around this place. I feel too blahh and uninspired to post, so I'll quit here.

Until I'm feeling more positive,

Ellen

Tooting around towns

Well, that 5-mile run I was working up to, turned into a 3-mile walk. The residents who were training for the run decided not to go, but luckily, some others jumped on for the walk. So even though no big finish line awaited us at the end, we still had a down good relaxing time! But at least in training for it, I got up to jogging 5, so I'm sure I could have done it... Well, actually a mile of it was uphill. The run was at this place called Camp Tanawandah, where they filmed that movie about a fat camp...it had the blob in it. Neat.

I also saw my friends Keely and Carsten this weekend. We tooted around the farm, Asheville, and Greenville. I don't think I'd ever want to live in Greenville, although it was definitely fun to visit. Too south for me! Although the hiking we did in South Carolina was pretty. And there's this cute little contra dancing shack out in the middle of nowhere that Keely introduced me to that I must return to visit, with the promise that I'll meet some mountain people, who I surprisingly haven't already met in the dozens and dozens. Too tucked away I guess to come out and play.

I love to swim!

This is the second day in a row that I've swam across an ice-y lake. How good for me! I forget what a water baby I am. I just love it, love it, love it. Although it will be nice when it's a tad bit warmer. However, it was warm enough to get a bit of a tan. Rejuvenated skin. Okay, well, if scientifically speaking, ruined skin.

I also went hiking the past two days. Things are in bloom, like tons of spotted trillium (Have you seen this flower? or smell, I should ask? It smells like an apple).

Made a soap dish and plant holder out of clay. Keep your fingers crossed that they don't explode in the firing. I'm really a lousy potter, but working at it in small doses. The wheel is still pretty frightening.

Read a little about British spies infiltrating the IRA, pharmaceatical companies (yikes! even scarier than my pottery skills!), and also I read a book called The Day the Voices Stopped by Ken Steele (I recommend it). Tried to watch RENT, but too awful to sit through.

My lifelong friend, Keely, comes on Thursday!! Excited about that. 5 mile run is on Sunday. Worried about that. Going home to Arkansas next Thursday. Thrilled about that. Doing taxes sometime? (Okay, recruiting my mom do my taxes). THANKS MOM!

Trading Spaces

So, I just had a really super fun creative day playing trading spaces. As most of you know, I live in a lodge...so it's kind of like colleg living, in that I live ina big building, but occupy just a room of it. Considering my room is the one place I can go to get away (as there are people everywhere), it's kind of important for it to be homey. I thought I had already done a pretty good darn job of making it my own, but then one of my friends and I started talking about Trading Spaces and how we should try it at CooperRiis.

And that's how today happened. A friend and I decorated his room. And then he, Simon/lodge advisor (click on link--the dude above me in the pictures), and Mike/farm manager (click on link--bottom right corner) decorated my room. I didn't know it could get much better, but these guys should get paid (they didn't.) I now have a bamboo rack extending from floor to ceiling for my hats, purses, scarves. I have shelves on all of my windowsills. I have a giant branch hanging from my ceiling with pictures attached to ropes hanging off of it. An awesome, giant rock sits at the end of my bed. My books and magazines are organized. I have plants everywhere. It's beatutiful. Y'all have got to come see it!

Us girls did a pretty good job of decorating Simon's room, although I admit we didn't do quite as spectacular of a job, thinking as outside the box as they did. We did manage to turn a tree branch into a hat rack, made some curtains, created a spiritual Simon space with candles and what not, got rid of a hideous singing stuffed thing, covered the television with cloth...etc...

Of course we filmed it all and we're going to show it to our community. All in a day's work. I'm pooped.

Job Openings

Hi y'all,

Long time, no see. Well, for most of you. However, I will be in Arkansas April 13-22, so I'm looking forward to catching up. Another good way we could stay in contact: Anyone is interested in moving to North Carolina and working with me? I know this doesn't sound enticing to some of you, but I was too lazy to sift through my email for the people it might most apply to. And then there's always friends of friends (Nick, forward this along to Peter maybe), who you might want to pass this onto, if they're interested in psychology and working with people. There are 2 positions open for lodge advising that would begin at the end of April/beginning of May. It's a pretty sweet job in some aspects, challenging in others. If you think you might be interested, I can elaborate in individual emails.

Here's the job listing:

http://www.idealist.org/if/idealist/en/SiteIndex/AssetViewer/view?asset=Job&asset-id=170007-331&sid=50593615-109-LNJnS

But a lot of the requirements have changed. Like we don't give out medications on a regular basis anymore. And you don't necessarily work on your days off (the listing makes it sound like you work all the time)--it's 40 hours in 4 days, and then your off for 3 days. An awesome schedule! Also, it makes it seem like you work in an office setting, but your really involved in working all around the farm--inside and out.

Anyway, if you're interested, apply. And say you know me.

They will also probably open up a Wellness Coordinator position in the next few weeks for people who have more of an interest in helping people through the exercise and diet program here.

And North Carolina is beautiful!

Miss you,

Ellen H.

On top of the mountain

So other than trying to stuff my rain/fly flap (is that what's it called) into the pole bag, camping was great. Nor was it too cold, except for the night we stayed in the car a few hours drinking beer to the heater and old guthrie tracks, etc, before toughing it outside around the fire.

So the details:

Location: Cosby

Trails: Well, I'm not all that great with names...we hiked many miles up, then along the Appalachian trail (some of which was also up) and down and around the Snake Den trail for a total of about 12 miles. We also did another 6 mile trail into an old grove of Poplars.

Highlights: Sleeping outside of course, even if somewhat uncomfortably. Being on top of the mountain, where their was ice being blown off the trees, allowing us to feel like we were being snowed on. Wondering if we were going to run into trolls in the Poplar forest. Learning how to say Rododendron. Learning to identify things, (although not very successfully at times), like rododendron, spring beauty, trout lily, violets, habatica (or something like that), hemlock, spruce, and all the other ones I don't remember. Allowing Rick to carry the backpack hiking (too heavy for my tastes). Allowing Nick to start the fire. Okay, so allowing the boys to do basically all the work. What a vacation! Oh yeah, and the OREOS. What a blessed treat!

Oh, and let's not forget WILCO, who put on a good, long show for us. It was like 2 hours with 2 or 3 encores. I had to sit down through some of it. Having run that morning and being a little pooped from driving and anticipating seeing old, familiar friends, I just couldn't stand through the whole thing, like a fan should do. Let's see what they'd sing about? All I can remember is something about chrome devils, daffodils, making the world better, a Guthrie song.....I'm sure Rick can fill you in on the missing details. And the Tennessee Theater in Knoxville is a rad setting. And thanks to Chad and Rachel for hosting us. That was sweet. They live in this vintage building that used to be a hotel. Also a rad setting.

Pictures to come. Too lazy at this moment.

Thinking ahead.

So I'm packing up for Wilco and camping for the weekend. Yeahooo! I feel a little bit funny about seeing Wilco. I mean I definitely like what I've heard of them, but I don't own any of their CD's or anything like that. I'm sure more dedicated and deserving fans are out there. Too bad for them.

And I'm having the damndest time packing. Not for Wilco. My outfit for that is set, but for the camping part. I've never really camped in what will probably be pretty cold weather. I'm kind of a pansy when it comes to being cold, so I want to be warm, but I also don't want to pack a lot, as I'm also probably a pansy when it comes to carrying a heavy load. Well, I guess I should be greatful that this is my only dilemma for the time being. Things could be much worse. And then I'm wondering if it's nerdy to take a book or two camping. It's not like I'll get bored, but what if the conversation gets dull or we get pooped out from hikig, surely the best relaxation would be a book in the big outdoors. And a journal, right? Cause I should be recording stuff too, so that I'll have accurate notes for my next post.

Got to think ahead on these things...

Hands on the Wheel

So I went to the dentist yesterday. I think it had been about 2 years since my last visit. Isn't insurance great. It didn't cost a thing to get my teeth blasted with baking soda. I also got the local gossip from the hygenist. That day in town a woman got fined a 350 dollar ticket for having both her hands off the wheel? Any clues to what she was doing? Oh geez, no. She was just putting on her make-up, which led to another story from my dear hygenist about one of her friend's daughters who totaled her car on her way to dental hygenist school, because she was brushing her teeth and lost control. Hysterical irony if you ask me. Welp, just another reminder to keep our hands on the wheel. Unless it's for a better reason than the above mentioned stories.

I skipped rugby practice yesterday (because I've started feeling obligated, and so not going was just a way to prove that rugby isn't controlling my life; plus, I was experiencing PMS and I didn't want to really hurt anybody). Ran 3.7 miles, for the second day in a row. Did a little yoga. Looked for a road bike to buy, but to no avail. Those things are expensive, especially brand new. I'll be going the used route for sure. Watched Crash, Broken Flowers, Songcatcher. So it was an anti-social day.

Today was more social. Sunny skies. 75 degrees. Babysat two rascals: twins. Went hiking with some friends, or should I say sliding down a mountain most of the way. A total muddy mess. We even had to climb down this rock face using a rope tied to a tree to reach the waterfall.

See it, to believe it

For those of you who have a hard time believing I play rugby:





A Scrum:



Our team: "The French Broads"



Sometimes I'm just the water girl:



Okay, so a lot of the time:



Practice:



Post game:



The team again:



Rugger girls just about to go out for some fun:





For more pics, please visit: http://www.ashevillerugby.com/women/php/pictures.php

The Game is on...

Well, I somewhat successfully have played 2 rugby games. We have a small team (in terms of our physical, body size, not numbers) in comparison to the other teams we've played, so it's been brutal at times. I like tackling and being tackled by the bigger girls better anyway, cause it doesn't hurt as much when they break my fall.

I play flanker, so basically my only goal is to tackle and be tackled. A very versatile position. I rarely have to touch the ball. A couple nice bruises grace my knees and legs. My bones ache. My muscles are sore. My ankle got slightly twisted. All for the love of the game. Okay, so I wouldn't call it love yet, but there is a fascination that keeps me attending practice. The rugby socials are also quite fascinating, in which the ruggers (this is what rugby players are called; I'm learning the lingo) are quite frequently lesbian and who like to sing really dirty, slightly offensive songs about, well, just about anything. So the pickings are slim (for me anyways) at these female charged socials. I'm making nice friends though, which is always nice.

Finally finished reading

Heart is a Lonely Hunter

. Outcome: Depressing. I guess it's good to be at a healing farm if I must be depressed. But seriously, I'm by no means a "it has to be happily ever after" kind of person to enjoy a book. I tend to like sad, serious, even messed-up stuff. But this was just an intense kind of realism in which all the characters ended in the bottom of their darkest pits with no way out. Maybe I missed the glimmer of hope at the end. Promise, I looked hard. Just couldn't find it. True enough.

Otherwise, work is good. We got a full house again with 12 residents in our lodge, so the dull moments are few and far between, which keeps the clock ticking at a rapid pace. I have no idea how it's already March. I'm super looking forward to the Wilco concert and seeing friends in Knoxville, in less than 2 weeks. And even more super looking forward to being in Arkansas/Oklahoma for 10 days come April. It's better than birthdays.

Anticipation of Spring

Well, our first rugby game is this coming Saturday. You know what that means: A spectacle. I'm not sure our team knows all the rules and positions yet. Oh no! It's cool though, because the game is in Durham, so you Chapel Hill folks should come out and watch, or you should offer to let me stay at your place Friday night and we can hang out. Yay. What a great excuse to visit friends.

Well, I've started reading THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER by Carson McCullers. It's been on my reading list for awhile, and we're going to be reading it for reading club at work, so perfect opportunity. It's alright so far. There's a Greek guy in it. Or was. He's already been sent to an insane asylum. So much for the Greek guy.

I also finally got around to finishing the OA's art and architecture issue. Nice job, Catherine. We all know you put that issue together. Learned some things I didn't know. Saw some pretty pictures. Heck, I might even be inspired to paint or at least take a picture or something, or maybe build a cool house with lots of windows.

I've also been running. Some of us staff and residents (okay, well me and one other resident) are training for a 5 mile race in April. The most miles I've ever run without stopping is 4. I'm back up to 2.5. We'll see what happens.

Can you tell I have lots of energy. I don't know where it came from? But it's here! Here! Here...

Maybe it's just spring. Well, still a little too cold for that. The anticipation of Spring, I think then.

Copy cat.

Well, I was reading Brooke's blog and she was talking about her addictions, so excuse me being a copy cat, but here goes. Current addictions:

1) Chocolate--I know I've explained that we're on a low sugar diet here, but I don't think you understand how low. Like the other day, some folks were trying to find sugar to make cookies for the Valentine's day party, and we were out. Out of sugar. And it was no big deal to the chefs. Well, how do you make cookies without sugar, and don't give me any of that vegan applesauce explanation? Applesauce can do very well for fake brownies, but for cookies? And so now, I find myself nabbing chocolate whenever I can. There is a stash of dark chocolate here, as it's good for the heart. But it's constantly getting hid in different locations, on account of people hunting it down, and abusing the stash. So I can't tell if I really have this true love for chocolate or if it's incited by the fact, that it's just not commonly available. It's really becoming a philosophical quandry. I guess you could just say that I've got chocolate on my mind. And my tummy.

2) Magazines--For christmas, I recieved some magazine subscriptions, and then I got a hook up with the OA (thanks Catherine!) and then I impulsively subscribed to a couple of more. However, this impulse is really paying off. I'm usually so tired by the end of the night, that I can't get through any reading that's too long, so the length of an article or story helps me to feel intellectually involved without such a time investment. And they're perfect for in the tub or on the pot. Yes, it's very base I know, which is why it's probably so enjoyable.

Well, 2 addictions for now ain't so bad. And as long as the chocolate stays dark, not too unhealthy either. Right? Affirmations welcome.

Getting together.

Well, for those of you who don't read the posted comments, you might like to know that I'll be in the Arkansas/Oklahoma (yes, I consider Oklahoma my home too) area from April 13-22. Long stay. I'll have to split up my time wisely. Really, this is also a plea to get invitations to stay at people's places (I can be quiet; fairly clean) when I'm in the Little Rock/Perryville/Conway district. I'm assuming I can count on my family for shelter in Fort Smith and Tulsa.

I've also heard about another get together, that I hope is not exclusive, since I'm announcing it here. Rick let me know about a Wilco concert that is on March 16th or 17th. Oh shoot. I've already forgotten. Well, it's on a Thursday around that time, and it's in Knoxville, where our lovely friends Rachel and Chad are located. Perhaps, Nick, Melissa and Josh will join us from Chapel Hill. So if anyone else is interested, let me or Rick know I guess, and we'll see if you fit in.

Three cheers for getting together! Hip, hip....( x 3 )

Happy Late Groundhog Day

I wonder if groundhogs make good pets?

Anyway this weekend wasn't much different than last: yoga, rugby, watching soccer, watching rugby, watching Mad Hot Ballroom and Look at Me, knitting, reading the newest issue of The Sun, concert-going (Julie Lloyd and the Divine Maggies), watching Superbowl, receiving an awesome care package from Miss Catherine...

I also was a fine consumer as I bought a pair of cleats for my new hobby. So even after watching the men's rugby game (to better learn the rules) and after seeing two Asheville players leave the field in a bloody heap, I am financially invested in playing this wacky sport. All or nothing.

On the work front, things are hectic and I'm reminded that this is a very transitional community at times that I have very little control over, which makes for lots of excitement.

So what'd y'all think of those superbowl commercials?

Fire in the hole...

Another fun-filled, and dare I say, extroverted weekend. Probably one of the most social few days I've had since I've been here.

My first rugby experience took place on Thursday night. My muscles are still sore a few days later, not so much from the tackling, but from the conditioning and running involved. If I keep playing, they say I will play FLANKER, whatever that means. It sounds kind of dirty. I hear there's a lot of wrestling involved in the position, which means I'll have to stop laughing and smiling when I go in for the tackle. We eased our pain with a few beverages at a pub afterwards, before retiring slumber party style.

Friday morning, I began babysitting for a little extra cash for a new family who works here. The three rascals are very cute and smart. I always find having kids around to liven things up and to provide for a real-er atmosphere. I took the kids on a walk to pick carrots from the garden and to see one of the new baby lambs. Adorable.

An Arkansas theme, going-away party for Meghan took place that evening. It was nice for us to teach everybody a few things about Arkansas, like the "Pig Soooie, Razorbacks" cheer. I'm going to miss having that woman around here, but she's off to travel Europe.

Saturday involved another hike and lots of eating and some napping and some movie watching (TOUCHING THE VOID). But I'll spare you all the details, as I need to go clean my room on this very rainy day before starting work.

Oh yeah, and we burned a giant Christmas tree last night in this grassy bowl of land (don't worry, we had a fire ring set up for the occassion), which caused for a super-duper gigantic flame. It was awesome. I highly recommend doing it, if you still have a tree lying around.

Not happening.

Well, I had a busy three days off. And by busy I mean very balanced and enjoyable. Finished reading Million Little Pieces. I would put it in the same genre as Running With Scissors, whatever genre that is...most generically the story where the author writes about how messed up he was and then tells the story of his maturation/recovery.

Then I went hiking with Meghan on Green River Cove, Turkey Gut, and Stairstep Falls trails. Great names for trails. The first trail was rated strenuous. Being as it was a mile straight uphill, I agree.

We were about to play bingo at the VFW or try rugby practice in Asheville, but the thought of both ideas required too much energy, so we went to the library instead and checked out books and movies. I'm going to give Annie Dillard another shot. I know Pilgrim at Tinker Creek is all the rage and got a Pulitzer or something, but I just couldn't get into it. Maybe American Childhood will float my boat.

My cultural experience for the weekend included the Amnesty International Film Festival. Watched two documentaries: 1) about silver mining in Bolivia 2) about amateur olympics held in Sudan in attempts to stop war and unite neighbors. Of course both make me rethink my life. They were depressing and made me feel every range of motion on the awful continuum. Hopefully, I'll do something instead of just feeling awful about it. I did sign 2 petitions, but that's kind of measly in retrospect.

Also listened to This American Life (it was a good one) and some of Prairie Home Companion.

First day back on my shift started out good. Took a group to see Dreamer at the dollar movie. Everyone got too much food and drink in strict violation of our healthy, organic high fiber and protein diet. But when the movies only a dollar, what else to do with the extra cash?

Oh yeah, send it to the kids in them Bolivian mines. Oooppps.

Come 11:00 tonight when things and people should be winding down, things start to get interesting, which is why I'm still up and agitated out of sleepiness and posting this in attempts to soothe myself into some sweet dreaming.

I don't think it's happened.

Stand still...

It was nice talking to Cale last night on the phone, and then to Anna Kate the morning before, and then to Ashley a few nights before...etc, etc. Catching up with far-away friends has really done wonders for my spirit.

My spirit, by the way, has been all over the place, especially after celebrating MLK yesterday. We went to a Peace March (really more of a 5 minute stroll) that was followed by a rally.

The impact and power of congregation stunned me. Usually I try to avoid congregation, unless food and/or liquid spirits are involved (and these things don't always fulfill their appealing promise). There was stepping and singing and praising. And as I was thinking of the Civil Rights Movement and the timeline of it all (wasn't it 1865 that African Americans obtained the right to vote) and how it wasn't that long ago, and how there are still huge remnants and leftovers of prejudice and discrimination. The disguise of it all. To what degree am I being racist, or age-ist, or sexist? What prejudices have I inherited? What prejudices have I dispelled like an empty rumor?

The difficulty of naming things--it can be both necessary and unnecessary. To name or not to name.

There's still just so much marginalization and injustice. So many people getting ignored. People with mental illness weigh especially heavily on my mind lately, as I see a struggle amongst these people as they strive to rid people at large of taboos and stereotypes against them with little success and little representation and little help from the government.

When I was in Arkansas over Thanksgiving I saw this one episode of Dr. Phil (stay with me here) that was trying to dispel the rumor of mental illness by interviewing a woman with Schizophrenia, but the show kept marketing her as a "schizophrenic," which ironically reduces her to her mental illness, instead of showing the whole complexity of her person and humanity that the show was supposed to be showing.

Language alone is so powerful and dynamic--limiting and freeing. I hope people don't take Dr. Phil too literally, as he's just perpetuating what I believe to be a misunderstanding in this case; although I see that he was trying to put a face to society's fear in order to dispel it. I do recommend facing our fears (so to speak), but do it in real life, not via talk shows.

The complexity of things is just really as energizing as it is paralyzing; I just don't feel like I'm doing much of anything besides being at a stand still, which is no good.

Mooning

We have this movie club here. We've been trying to watch some classics: Citizen Kane, Double Indemnity, It's A Wonderful Life, Casablanca, etc. Well, I came upon my new favorite movie today: MOONSTRUCK. Cher is just really amazing. I loved her in MASK, but that movie provoked tears; this one just provoked good humor. And Nicolas Cage didn't even get on my nerves in this movie (although I didn't mind him the movie about orchids and writing)--maybe because he was 20 years younger and hadn't yet learned arrogance.

I also happened to come across a movie called Grizzly Man over the weekend. It is quite a trip and I recommend that the rest of you take the trip. Pretty footage; wacky man; and grizzly bears, of course. If the man hadn't been eaten by the bear at the end, his mental health could have greatly benefited from the services here at CooperRiis.

Read two issues of THE SUN. Wrote some poems. Taking a break from knitting. Going on a Peace Walk in Asheville tomorrow to celebrate Martin Luther King and to think about my dreams (dangerous territory, lately--luckily, I have psychotherapists in my circle of acquaintances now). And maybe I'll play a little softball and be bored by the Golden Globes.

One flew over...

Well, considering I've been here 6 months now, I figure it's due time to begin a new blog. Feeling disconnected from all my faraway friends/family members and with the price of stamps going up and sometimes too lazy to do it the old-fashioned way, this is the best bet.

In case you forgot, where I am: Mill Spring, North Carolina. Population: unknown (really just too small to count). Working in the delicate foothills and all that at a therapeutic healing farm. If you haven't checked out the website already: www.cooperriis.org. (my picture is even on the website. Umhum. I've hit the big time.

Due to confidentiality, I can't write about all the interesting going-ons that I would love to be at liberty to write about and share, as I'm learning more about myself and others everyday. And at the same time, I do want to respect the people I work with and for by allowing them deserved privacy. Maybe that's part of the reason I'm feeling disconnected: when I do talk to some of y'all back home, I just can't get into the details, so the conversation is reduced to, "I'm doing well; same old, same old." Okay, sometimes I say more than that. But not much. You feel my frustration.

In some ways this is going to be a lousy attempt; a failure from the beginning at connection, as my writings will also be reduced to the half-stories and superficialities and descriptions of nature I encounter. It will also probably be free of profanity and stories involving vices (which, mom, you probably prefer--sorry to my more cras friends).

Like: the geese are in full force, flying v-shaped overhead and landing on the fields and lake, here. Meghan (a friend and volunteer here from Fort Smith) and I also landed in the lake yesterday, as we decided to go for a polar bear swim in January. Okay, it was 70 degrees outside, which doesn't make us as tough as say if it was 30 below. But the water was more than chilly. It was piercing.

Last night, we went to the Avett Brothers concert. Living in a bubble community makes going out a little awkward at times. I have next to no friends or acquaintances outside of Cooperriis. I'm the kind of person who easily forgets how to be sociable and outgoing outside of my comfort zone. It's not as easy for me to forget what attractive members of the opposite sex look like, especially when he's singing soulfully with his eyes held shut. The show was really good. I'd put them in the category of Old Crow Medicine show.

I even bought one of their CD's, which I never do. Usually, a burned CD is just fine for my cheap tastes. Being on salary and making some dough makes a difference in these matters. Plus, I just really need some new music in my collection. Luckily, there's a great public radio station here, WNCW, that keeps me updated somewhat on new voices. But sometimes, the station gets too much on a bluesgrass kick, which leaves me wanting what I'm not getting. Are you noticing the themes: want, deprivation, satisfaction, dissatisfaction. Getting paid really splits a person. Or maybe being around mental illness is splitting me. A combination of the two, probably.

Well, that's all the superficialities I can handle for the moment.

(Don't forget to post, or I'll feel like no one cares, and that will only add to my insatiable want to be connected. Thanks for listening; It's not always easy.)